Monday, 10 September 2012
My wife and I have been talking about this. When I was a teenager, I committed my life to Christ. Shortly thereafter, God began to tell me I would go to Japan one day. Eleven years later, I moved to Japan. For eleven years, God told me I'd go to Japan and I couldn't forget about it. It was on my heart and mind all the time, always there, even if just in the back. God's word came true. But He has never even once told me I would leave Japan. He never said I would ever go back to America, even to visit. The longer I'm here, the more difficult it is for me to leave. I have connections here, a wife and children, a job, and perhaps some day in the future, a ministry or some other purpose to complete. Meanwhile in America, my old friends and I hardly stay in touch at all. Maybe I hear from them twice a year at most. My best friend in America died. My parents are divorced and as I've become more vocal toward my family and relatives in the US about my stances on the Bible, salvation and repentance, sexuality, and other things, they have shown increasing disapproval and even hostility toward me. The longer I stay here in Japan, the less reason I see I have to go back to America. What's waiting for me there? What would I have to look forward to for my own sake if I were to return? Hard memories, troubled relationships... Maybe some old favorite restaurants and a few people I'd like to see again, but that's it.
America is in my past. God has me here in Japan now, and I'm content to stay here. I'm content to die here as well. What if I die here? Why am I here? So far, God has only told me to be faithful with the tasks that are before me at this moment. And I'm content to do that. I could cry about all the heartache in America, but maybe God is closing doors for me in America to ensure I'll never return. Maybe this is all for the best. And if it's God's idea of what's best, then I'll gladly give up my home, my citizenship, my family, my friends, my comforts, my humanly concept of security, whatever it takes to live in God's guidance.
God, let me live here; truly live -- here. Let me die here if it's your will. I'll give it all up if it's your will. Let me suffer even more if it means I get to suffer with the Lord by my side.